


The Trick is to Keep Breathing

by Xyanide



Series: The Trick is to Keep Breathing [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Disturbing Themes, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Rape, Rape Recovery, Self-Harm, Thorki - Freeform, Underage Rape/Non-con, overload of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-04-23 04:27:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14324568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xyanide/pseuds/Xyanide
Summary: Human AU. Thanos has heard that the Aesir have a big deal happening and is set to steal the wares, only to find their storage empty and Loki Odinson all alone. Well, he reckons, there's more than one way to hurt Odin."You're lucky I don't write it on your pretty face, the way you've marked mine as yours."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Because appearantly Infinity War won't be traumatising enough, I have to go and write this and make Loki suffer even more. There will be plenty of Thor/Loki h/c coming up in the next chapter! Not Thorki but plenty of love anyway with some Thorki feels so I hope you'll still enjoy it!  
> There will be a third part to this that will be posted on its own.

Loki sighed as he placed his elbows on the mahogany counter and leaned down. Just his luck to be stuck at the stupid cigar store for the next couple of hours. All alone, and not even able to bring in friends. He gave a sour glance at the surveillance camera behind him and then readjusted his tie.

Appearantly, a cigar store equaled suit and tie.

Of course the main purpose of the little shop on a small street in Chicago wasn't for rich old men to buy ridiculously expensive cigars and scotch, it was used as a cover for his father's shady business. The entire storage room was used to store guns and narcotics that Odin's Aesirs sold to different gangs around the city.

And it seemed to work like a charm; the authorities didn't bother to look up how a small insignificant shop could bring in such massive amounts of cash. Especially when some of that cash went straight into their pockets for looking the other way.

But Loki was fifteen and had far too much energy that needed an outlet to be kept in here like a rat in a cage, ready to pretend to be nothing but a good employee _in case_ someone would drop in to buy the wares on display. His brother Thor had been initiated into the Aesir when he'd been fourteen and had accompanied Odin on all different sorts of meetings since then, but Loki had yet to be initiated, only dumped here at the shop for what felt like mere conveniance, and to "keep Loki out of trouble for a few hours" according to Odin.

He let out a loud frustrated noise before standing back up. Grabbing a duster he started walking around the shop to clean it despite it already being spotless, but atleast it gave him something to do. He had two incredibly long hours left before he could close it and head home. Usually he'd go to hang out with his friends but today's gun and drugs delivery would be a big one and he needed to make sure for himself that Thor was okay.

Once he had finished dusting, he went back to stand behind the counter and play around with the assorted cigars and decorative items on a silver tray displayed on the mahogany counter as he pouted; he wasn't even permitted to use his phone or pad to play games, as it would look unprofessional, and he wasn't allowed to spend the time in the backroom after some previous incidents. He might as well just die from boredom.

 

***

 

"Oh shit..."

Loki watched as five men entered the shop but the one that made his heart freeze with fear was the gigantic man that followed them. Thanos the Mad Titan himself. Oh shit, indeed.

There was a gun hidden underneath the counter but he'd be dead before he'd manage to kill two of them, so he stayed still.

"Well, well. The youngest Odinson," Thanos greeted him with a scary grin. "Your daddy left you to run the store all alone?"

"You came all this way for a smoke?" Loki asked as his hand slowly crept towards the tray next to him.

"I was in the neighbourhood, thought I'd see if the old man had anything of value in here."

Loki nodded towards the shelves filled with different brands of the same thing.

"What you see is what you get."

The look Thanos gave him made him want to shudder.

"I was thinking something more exotic."

"We got a shipload of new wares the other day," Loki replied with a smug grin. "Sold like butter. You should have been quicker if you wanted the good stuff."

Thanos stepped towards the counter with slow intimidating steps.

"Maybe you should--"

Loki threw the tray with the decorative items towards the Mad Titan to make him jump back and quickly ran through the backdoor to get to the rooms in the back and the only other exit. He needed to get out, and fast.

Thanos halted his men by raising a hand and they lowered their guns. He poked at the tray on the floor with the tip of his boot while he waited. Only a few seconds later he heard the struggling boy as one of his men carried him back into the room. Loki tried his hardest to get away, but the tall slim fifteen-year old was no match at all against the big buff goon, whose biceps were bigger than Loki's head.

He threw Loki onto the ground by Thanos' feet and Loki shut his eyes for a moment as he took a couple of deep breaths to get his panting and racing heart under control, then tilted his head back to glare defiantly up at Thanos.

"I heard tales of Odin having a major deal happening. A hundred AK-47's alone, not to mention the stacks of heroin."

"If you tell me who your informant is, I'll see to it that he learns how to give accurate intel to you."

Thanos laughed.

"Sassy little brat, aren't you?"

He grabbed a hold of Loki's hair, making the boy wince, and leaned down into his face.

"Are you not scared of me, boy?"

"No," Loki lied.

Thanos grinned, looking like a shark about to attack its prey.

"Pretty, clever and brave. Odin's a fool for letting you waste away in a shop instead of being out there with him, like that brother of yours. I almost have a mind of taking you with me, put you to good use with my crew. An Odinson amongst the Black Order, what a sight you'd make. What would you think of that opportunity, boy?"

"Honestly, I prefer being here in the shop. Gun dealing isn't really my thing."

"Such a pity. I'm sure you'd have the talent."

He let go of Loki's hair with a small shove and stood straight. Loki rubbed his scalp and sighed.

"Dad's out doing the delivery right now. I really don't know anything more."

"Back's all empty," the buff goon confirmed. Loki distantly recalled him as Cull Obsidian, one of Thanos' most dangerous men.

"Your informant gave you fake intel," Loki pressed on; if Thanos took the rat out, it meant less hassle for the Aesir of finding the right person.

"You seem to be right, young Odinson," Thanos said in an easy tone that unsettled Loki. "However I didn't come all this way for nothing."

Loki gestured to the wares on display.

"We've got Nicaraguan and Cuban cigars, Glengoyne whiskey, Islay Barley, the best of the best. Take your pick. It's on the house."

"Very generous of you." Thanos stroked Loki's face. Loki's eyes widened and he tried to shy away but Thanos took a grip on his jaw instead to keep him still. "But it's not in my nature to leave my enemies unscathed."

He pulled out his golden bejewelled gun and aimed it at Loki's forehead. Loki's hands flew up to pull and scratch at Thanos's hand that gripped his face as he struggled to get loose with a rising panic but Thanos was strong and Loki would sooner dislocate his jaw than getting free.

"Don't!! Please don't!" he found himself begging in a high-pitched voice filled with dread. He was going to die. Shot in the head in that stupid store that he hated so much. "I haven't done anything! For fuck's sake, I'm not even initiated Aesir, dad won't-- mmph!"

Thanos had stuck the barrell of the gun inside Loki's mouth and the boy whimpered. Loki shut his eyes tightly, making tears spill down his cheeks as he waited for his head to get blown off.

"Suck it," he heard Thanos growl. He opened one eye to glance up at the man with a questioning look. "Like a whore sucks a cock."

Loki shut his eyes as he did what he was told. The metal kept hitting his teeth so he curled in his lips to protect them as he bobbed his head up and down. Thanos placed the gun by his crotch, emulating getting his own dick sucked as he thrust his hips forwards and laughed darkly.

"And here I was, thinking I'd let you join the Order as a respectable member. You look better on your knees serving like this."

He stroked Loki's hair as he watched him for a few minutes before removing the gun from his mouth and put it back into the holster. He unbuttoned his trousers and Loki sniffed as he turned his head away.

"You ever sucked a cock, Odinson? Be honest now."

"...Yeah."

Thanos gripped his hair to move his face back into position as he rubbed his half-hard dick against Loki's cheek.

"Then you know how this goes. If you behave yourself and make me come, I'm gonna let you live. If you bite me, I'm gonna knock out all of those pretty white teeth of yours and fuck your mouth, then shoot you in the stomach to let you bleed out slowly. Got it?"

Loki nodded and licked his dry lips, then that too big cock was shoved inside his mouth. Loki suckled on the head and prodded his tongue into the slit and wrapped it around wherever it could reach when Thanos groaned and pushed more inside. His tongue massaged the thick vein underneath, his hands came up to stroke the rest of the length, determined to make Thanos come as quickly as possible.

"God damn, you're good," Thanos moaned and thrust forward until he hit the back of Loki's throat, then gave Loki a dirty grin. "Is this why Odin lets you stay behind instead of joining the Aesir? Your daddy wants to keep his little boy behind so he can come back and fuck that talented mouth of yours? Is he the one to train you?"

Loki opened his eyes to glare at him and let his teeth sink slightly into the skin as a warning, he didn't dare to bite down even though he wanted nothing more than to bite it off. Thanos chuckled and stroked his hair again until Loki loosened his hold and went back to sucking.

"Maybe I should do so," Thanos groaned as he pushed even deeper. "Take you back with me and fuck that mouth anytime I choose to. Have you on your knees sucking me in front of everybody, showing them all where an Odinson truly belongs."

He grabbed a hold on the back of Loki's head and shoved him forwards so he'd swallow the entire length. Loki's nose got buried in the coarse pubes and his hands moved to hold onto Thanos' thighs to keep his balance, but he didn't gag. Loki swallowed around the length and hummed, he felt the cock twitch and waited to get a load down his throat – any moment now – but instead Thanos pulled out.

"I wouldn't be a good leader if I didn't treat my men to some of this. I trust you to show them the same enthusiasm as you've shown me." He patted Loki's head as if he were a good dog before taking a few steps back. "Fellas."

The first man, Corvus Glaive, stepped forward and unzipped his trousers. Loki shut his eyes tight as he worked him, trying to get him off as soon as he could. The man had a much smaller dick so it was easier to swallow him down and it didn't take too long to make him come. Loki made sure to gather it all on his tongue so he could spit it out when Glaive left him.

Thanos let out a disappointed sound at the sight.

"I don't swallow," Loki sneered back with defiance.

"We'll see about that," Ebony Maw said as he took the next turn.

He grabbed a strong hold on Loki's head as he fucked his mouth hard and ruthlessly. Loki put his hands on the man's thighs and tried in vain to push back to get some space, to breathe, but Maw would have none of it.

Tears were running down Loki's cheeks in his effort to get air which drove Maw frantic. He fucked Loki's throat so harshly that Loki himself was surprised he didn't gag or vomit. He never had much of a gag reflex – something which he'd once been proud of – but this surely should have triggered it.

Finally the assault came to an end when Maw stilled, his long cock shoved as deep down Loki's throat as it could go.

"Look at me, Odinson," he growled his command and Loki obeyed. Maw grinned darkly as he said his next words; "Swallow, or choke."

Something started trickling down his throat. Maw let out a satisfied groan. Loki's eyes widened as he realised what was happening. The cock was so far down his throat that he couldn't make a sound, his lungs burned with the lack of air, and _Maw was pissing inside of him!!_ He fought to get away but Maw was too strong,

"Swallow or choke," he repeated, as if Loki had a choice.

Loki shut his eyes and gave in. He started swallowing and Maw, Thanos and the others laughed. Loki needed air desperately and worked his throat to make him finish faster.

"Atta boy, swallowing everything I give you so eagerly," Maw praised in mockery as he patted Loki's head. "Even brats like you can be taught manners."

"You definitely know how to train them," Thanos chuckled.

Maw squeezed out the last drops of piss with another guttural groan before he pulled out and let go of Loki's head. Loki instantly threw himself to the floor in attempts to retch while gasping for breath and coughing at the same time. Ebony Maw tutted at him as he stroked his still hard cock.

"Didn't it taste good, sweetheart? It won't taste any better on its way up. Catch your breath and get back to sucking. And I expect that a clever boy like yourself have figured out that swallowing spunk isn't worse than piss."

Loki panted hard as he slowly moved back up to a kneeling position. His head was spinning and his lungs were burning from the long lack of air. The foul taste of piss still lingered on his tongue. His lips and chin was covered in saliva but he made no attempt to wipe it off. He glanced at the hard cock waiting for him and felt ill all over again. He wanted to beg Thanos for mercy but knew it was pointless. He had to suffer through this just for a moment longer and hopefully they'd leave him alive.

"Well? This cock ain't gonna suck itself."

Loki took another minute to get his breathing under control in a silent defiance before he reached out for Maw's dick with a trembling hand. He stroke it as he wrapped his lips around the head and started to suckle.

"That feels good, Odinson," Maw moaned, "but you already know it's not enough to get me off, don't you."

Loki took a deep breath through his nose before opening his mouth wider, taking in all of Maw's cock into his mouth, down his throat, swallowing around him three times before moving back to breathe while stroking the cock hurriedly, then repeating the actions as many times as needed until finally, _finally_ , Maw filled Loki's mouth with spunk.

"You wanna show me you learned your lesson, Odinson?"

Loki kept his eyes tightly shut as he battled his chaotic nature. He wanted so desperately to spit it all out in defiance but his survival instincts eventually won out and he forced himself to swallow. He heard Thanos clap his hands in mockery at the display.

"I'm not done with you yet."

Before Loki realised what was happening, Maw had grabbed a harsh hold of his hair and shoved him face first to the floor, where Loki had spat out Corvus Glaive's spunk.

"Lick it up."

Loki shuddered as he let out the tip of his tongue to poke against the small puddle of drying semen. Maw tutted and pressed down harder on his head until Loki feared his skull was going to cave in.

"I know a cum-slut like you likes to savor the taste but it's going to dry up completely before you're done. Lick it with the flat of your tongue. Big strokes. Just like that. There we go. Good boy."

When Loki was done, Maw pulled him back up into a sitting position from the hold on his hair. Loki was panting heavily and kept his eyes closed, not wanting to look at any of them.

"Who's next?"

Cull Obsidian, the enormous man that had grabbed him earlier, was sitting in the armchair in the corner. He started to unzip his pants and Maw shoved Loki into his direction. Loki landed in a heap on the floor, unwilling to move and just waited for the man to get to him and use him.

"Don't keep me waiting, Odinson."

Loki shuddered but laid still. He heard Maw take a step towards him before the man kicked him. Loki let out a pained cry as his body rolled with the force of it. He curled in on himself as his ribs flared with pain.

"Better get moving if you don't want me to kick you all the way there," Maw growled.

Loki didn't want to move but his body acted of its own will at the threat. He leaned up on shaking arms and tried to get his legs under him, to stand up on his feet. He was shaking too much and fell back down on the floor. It was a blow to his pride but he had to give up the thought of walking and instead crawled over to the armchair, much to the amusement of his tormentors.

He settled into a kneeling position between the legs of the man and refused to let himself think. He let his mind go blank as he reached out to hold the dick, to stroke it, then lean forwards to lick and suck it. It was easier to go on auto-pilot, to just get it done, to let them have their fun so they could leave him alone. And alive.

Loki heard the man speak, mock him, but he was too numb to listen to the words. The blood was rushing in his ears and eventully he only heard his own frantic heartbeats as he deep-throated the man, over and over until he had to swallow another load.

Once he was done he could do nothing but remain sitting where he was, his head resting on the thick thigh of the man he'd just pleasured, too exhausted to move. Too scared. There were still three other henchmen he hadn't sucked off but none of them made a move to get him, so he stayed where he was, his face hidden away on Obsidian's thigh, his whole body shaking. The world around him was nothing but a blurred void and he was slipping deeper into it, until one voice spoke up.

"Odinson. Look at me."

Loki's ragged panting increased harshly and he didn't want to but he didn't dare to disobey Thanos. He slowly raised his heavy head and blinked rapidly to clear his eyes from the continuous flow of tears until he could see the Mad Titan. The man was leisurely stroking his still hard cock as he waited for Loki to get back and finish the job. No one else of the Black Order then, only Thanos and then they'd be done.

Thanos didn't even tell him to, Loki moved of his own accord. He half crawled, half shuffled his way over to Thanos until he was kneeling in front of him. He reached out to stroke him, to suck him, but was halted by Thanos' strong grip on his hand and hair.

"What are you doing?" Thanos asked with an amused chuckle.

Loki looked up at him with a confused frown.

"You don't want me to suck you?"

"With that filthy mouth of yours? So tainted with swallowing come and piss from anyone willing to give it to you. No, I want something else from you."

Loki kept watching him with confusion. Thanos moved to grab the boy under his arms to hoist him up to a standing position, then grabbed a hold of his waist to lift him up. He took a moment to marvel how his large hands completely enveloped Loki's narrow waist before slamming him down hard onto the mahogany countertop. Loki's vision swam as the back of his head took the brunt of the impact.

"Strip him."

Loki's eyes flew open and he struggled against the men who held him down as they cut and ripped off his clothes. He kicked and punched and swore at them but they overpowered him easily, and soon he was naked, with his legs spread and pulled up towards his chest, held in place by the goons.

"Please, don't...! I'll suck your cock, I'll swallow everything, please don't, I've never--"

A hand covered his mouth and he whimpered.

Thanos' large finger was inserted into him and he cried out and tried to get away but to no avail. The finger was slick with lotion that someone had grabbed from the small restroom earlier as a make-do lube. Thanos prepared him long and thoroughly with it until all energy had left Loki's body and he stopped fighting. Another finger was inserted and Loki tensed up but didn't struggle.

"Good boy," Thanos praised him as he spread the fingers to open him up wider. "See how much easier this is for you when you accept your fate and cooperate?"

Loki nodded and the hand was removed from his mouth, making it easier for him to breathe as Thanos took his time to prepare him, more for his own benefit than Loki's but Loki supposed he should be thankful; the fingers were too much already, he didn't even want to think about how Thanos' cock would feel. A third finger entered him and he almost lost his breath at how wide he was being spread open. When Thanos seemed satisfied with the preparation, he nodded towards his henchmen to back off and give him space. They let go of Loki, making his legs fall down to either side of Thanos's waist, and they all took a few steps back.

Just as Thanos was about to penetrate him, Loki threw himself forward with an angry roar, his sharp nails and teeth cutting into the flesh of Thanos' face as he tried to fight him off. The henchmen watched in shock at the unexpected audacity of the teen for a second before they leaped into action, grabbing a hold of Loki and force him back down into the same position as earlier.

"You little fucking brat...!" Thanos growled as he touched his face to watch his blood on his hand.

Thanos the Mad Titan was infamous for being untouchable. _No one_ had ever gotten close enough to Thanos to hurt him before, yet this scrawny little kid had dared to make such a move, and insult him farther by biting and scratching his face up for all to see. He didn't know if he was impressed enough to let the kid live or of he wanted to break Loki apart piece by piece to make a point for others who might be foolish enough to try.

Either way, he was going to make him hurt.

A quick snap of his hips got the head of his dick inside and Loki screamed as he thrashed around to get away. Thanos kept pushing in with quick harsh thrusts using all of his weight until most of him was inside the warm tight hole.

"Pull his arms," Thanos grunted.

Ebony Maw and Corvus Glaive nodded and with quick practiced moves they pulled Loki's arms out of their sockets. Loki screamed, he felt as if he was set on fire, and even the tiniest movements of his arms caused the nerves to flare up in pain. Thanos grabbed a hold under his thighs to lift him up into a better position, placing more pressure on Loki's damaged shoulders, before fucking into him brutally.

Loki couldn't breathe. He was going to die. He'd taught the very real possibility of being shot in the head was scary, but nothing had frightened him more than actually being raped to death. Even so, he couldn't keep quiet. He forced back some air into his lungs to grunt out his most likely last words.

"You fucking pedophile!"

Thanos abruptly stopped fucking him to glare down at him with hatred.

"What the fuck did you have the nerve to call me, brat?"

Loki glared back at him with twice the amount of hate. It was a bit easier for him to breathe now when Thanos had stopped jolting him around. There was a voice inside his head, sounding far too much like Thor, screaming at him to look away and shut up and _stay alive_ but Loki ignored it. He had to let his anger out and hopefully it would get him a quick death instead of this endless torture.

"I'm fifteen. You sick fucking pedo--"

A sharp blow to his head caused him to see stars. He distantly heard Thanos set his bejewelled gun back into his holster and felt his large hand grip tightly around Loki's neck as he leaned down over him, making his cock push deeper inside.

"You are not a child," Thanos growled. "You, _Odinson_ , are nothing but a fucktoy."

He bit into Loki's chest harshly a few times before he stood up and pulled out.

"Turn him over."

Loki couldn't breathe, the pain in his arms and ass was too much for him and he almost longed to die, to not have his suffering drawn out like this. He was carelessly flipped around and bent over the counter and Thanos fucked him even harder than before. Something sharp dug into Loki's skin on his left shoulder and he whimpered because he couldn't scream.

"You're my fucktoy and everyone will know it."

He carved the knife into Loki's back as he continued to fuck him, and when he'd ran out of skin there he continued on Loki's dislocated arms, using them as an extension of his canvas.

"You're lucky I don't write it on your pretty face, the way you've marked mine as yours," Thanos grunted as he put the blood-soaked knife back in his jacket.

He wrapped his large hands completely around Loki's waist to once again marvel at the size difference, at how the slim teen could take all of his cock so perfectly as if he were meant for this, then let himself go at it with even more brutal force until he finally came deep inside Odin's son, and that thought alone made it one of the best orgasms he'd ever had.

He took his time to fully enjoy it before he pulled out and wiped himself clean on Loki's ripped shirt. Two men lifted Loki up to fully lay on the counter, his legs spread and the gaping hole on display for whoever would find him, blood and spunk running out of him in an endless stream.

"If you survive this, Odinson, then know I'm coming back for you, and that pretty brother of yours too. I'll have you both with me when the Black Order destroys everything Odin holds dear. Maybe I'll even have you riding my cock when Odin comes to beg me on his knees for mercy, wouldn't you like that."

He patted Loki's head mockingly before he adjusted his clothes and walked out. Loki heard the goons trash the place as his consciousness finally started to fade away, with his last thoughts being on Thor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, Loki. I really do love you.  
> I think this is my way of getting out all the stress about Infinity War.


	2. Chapter 2

"Where's that brother of yours?" Odin gruffed. "Out running with that _boy_ of his?"

Thor barely kept himself from rolling his eyes. Ever since Odin had found out that Loki was gay, he'd been treating everyone that Loki was socializing with as dirt, as if it was all their fault that Loki had gotten those sinful unnatural urges.

"He's probably still at the shop," Thor assured as he filled his plate.

"Don't be ridiculous," Odin scoffed. "We both know he locks down and gets the hell out of there the very minute the clock strikes seven. I swear, if he's out with that piece of filth again, I'm gonna--"

Thor tuned out his father's homophobic ranting as he fished out his phone from his pocket to call Loki, but all three attempts only ended up on voice mail. He tried calling the shop as well before replacing the phone. He felt worried. He knew Loki was probably out with his friends to rile up Odin but he'd always answer Thor's calls, especially when Thor had accompanied Odin on deliveries. Ever since their mother had been killed a few years prior, Thor was the only family Loki cared for and he always wanted to make sure that Thor was safe, that Thor wouldn't end up the same way as their mother.

"Dad, I'm gonna drive by the shop, see if I find him along the way. Maybe he just forgot the time."

"Sit down, I'll have one of my guys do it. To think I have to interrupt their celebrations on today of all days to track down my brat. Finish your dinner."

Odin signalled Skurge, the man by the door, who nodded and stepped outside to make the call. Thor sighed; having the guys search for Loki and bring him home had been exactly how Odin had found out about Loki's preferences in the first place. They'd found him in the backroom of the shop, shirt undone with another boy, Fandral, dry humping inbetween his legs and their tongues down each others throats. Odin's big burly men had grabbed the scrawny blonde teenager, pulled him away from Loki and proceeded to punch him until Loki had gotten in the way, forcing them to stop. When Odin had arrived at the scene, he'd threatened Fandral with a painful death if he ever put his hands on Loki again and kicked him out. He'd given Loki a Very Disappointed Look before having him dragged to the car where he'd demanded him to Not Be A Queer.

Loki had been torn between his need to be a good son – be as good as _Thor_ – and his very nature. Eventually Loki had started to hang out with Fandral again, almost pushing the limits as if to see how long it'd take for Odin to fully disown him instead of only keep refusing to let him join the Aesir as a worthy member.

But Thor knew Loki was never entirely reckless, as it was not only _his_ life that depended on it. If Fandral was caught red-handed with doing things with Loki again, Odin's men would kill him. All Thor could do was to sit at the dinner table and hope for the best.

It only took five minutes before Skurge recieved a call.

"Boss? It was Heimdall. He said you have to get down to the shop asap."

Odin sighed and wiped his mouth with a cloth napkin. He knew it. Loki had been fooling around with that queer boy again, having his young mind infested with perverse thoughts, and now Odin had to make good on his words. Tonight of all nights, when one of the biggest deals in Aesir history had transpired and he'd been in such a good mood.

"Get the car ready," he ordered the man before going to grab his gun. "Such a waste of a delightful dinner."

 

***

 

It was only when the car pulled up by the shop that Odin's expression changed from being a disappointed father about to teach his wicked fifteen-year old son a lesson to paling with anxiety over what he might face. That in turn made Thor full-out frightened.

They stepped out of the vehicle to face the cigarr shop. Symbols had been sprayed all over the facade.

"The Black Order," Thor gasped.

Heimdall, one of Odin's most trusted men, exited the shop to talk with them.

"The Black Order came by tonight when we were all out on the delivery," he started. "They thrashed the place."

"And Loki?"

Heimdall looked away.

"Inside."

Odin nodded and proceeded to walk to the door. Thor was quick to follow but a large hand placed firmly on his chest halted him.

"It's best for you to wait out here, kid," Heimdall told him.

"No, I need to get to Loki!" Thor tried to get past the man but Heimdall kept blocking him. "Dad?!"

Odin looked back over his shoulder, but a quick glance at Heimdall determined the outcome.

"Stay there," Odin ordered and went inside.

The sight that met him made even the fearsome Odin Borson stop abruptly to take a deep breath. The place was turned upside down, shelves broken to pieces, expensive cigarrs and broken bottles of whiskey littering the floor, Black Order symbols sprayed all over the walls.

But none of that registered in his head.

All he could see was the naked boy lying on the counter, his body that should be pale white, covered in red, blue, purple.

His little Loki was there right in front of him and he couldn't take a single step towards him.

He heard the door close behind him as Heimdall joined him, leaving Thor outside with the driver Frey. Heimdall placed a supportive hand on his shoulder, only then could Odin bring himself to talk.

"Is he dead?"

"No. He's very badly injured though. Those bastards did a real number on him. They even... wrote a message on him."

Odin stepped closer so he could see the state of his youngest son. There was a large bruise on his swollen face, where he most likely had been pistol whipped. Probably for mouthing off, Odin thought and held back a sob. His arms were lying in a weird angle, if not broken then atleast pulled out of their sockets. The arms, ribs and back were covered with bruises and blood that still oozed out of the knife wounds intended as decorative carvings. Finger-shaped bruises on his neck and hips, bruised legs spread wide, blood and semen that dripped continuously out of the torn rectum to gather into a large pool on the mahogany counter.

Finally Odin let himself read the message carved into Loki's back.

_THANOS' FUCK TOY_

Thanos himself had done the deed, all because Odin required all of his men at the delivery, leaving Loki without any protection. Because Odin hadn't thought it safer for Loki to be at home and have the shop closed for this particular evening.

He was shaking with rage.

The door slammed open and Thor hurried inside. Heimdall quickly went to close it before Frey followed inside.

"Loki??!" Thor stared at the broken body for a moment before dashing forwards.

"Don't touch him," Odin ordered in a cold voice as he placed himself in Thor's way.

"He's my brother!" Thor yelled."You stupid, insensitive--"

Odin let out a furious roar as he shoved Thor backwards into the wall. He was brimming with rage and Thor had no choice but to shut up.

"He's _my son_!!" Odin yelled and pushed Thor again for good measure before letting him go. Odin took a calming breath before continuing. "We still don't know how injured he is, the last thing he needs is to be rattled around by his over-emotional brother."

Thor looked away. He knew Odin was right, but it still hurt to not be able to cradle Loki into his arms, to let him know he was safe now. Odin sighed and placed a hand around Thor's nape in a familiar fashion.

"You're not the only one who loves Loki," Odin said in a low, sad voice before turning to join Heimdall by the body.

Thor watched them as they carefully checked for any broken ribs or injuries to the nerves or the spine, anything that would deal more damage to Loki than what had already been done. When Odin was sure it would be safe to move him, he stepped back.

"I'll call Eir, have her come fully prepared to the house. Heimdall, tell Frey to bring the car around to the back, then you and Thor carry him out there. Once we have him home, you go back here and clean up the sperm, then send for a crew come clean up the rest of this mess before the cops starts asking questions. Not one word is to be spoken about what really happened to Loki to anyone, understand?"

"Home?!" Thor couldn't help his outburst. "He needs to get to a hospital!"

"Like hell I'm taking him to a hospital!" Odin yelled. "It's bad enough that he's a queer, but I won't have him becoming some sort of spectacle for everyone to see. To know what's been done to him!"

_'What Thanos did to_ you _,'_ Thor wanted to sneer but kept his mouth shut.

He'd never seen his father this emotional, and while he was sure now that Odin still loved Loki there was obviously the rage over Thanos touching what belonged to Odin; his family. Thor just didn't know how much of the rage was because Loki had been tortured so brutally, or how much was because of Odin's humiliation at the nature of it, or for not having been there to protect him.

He knew there was no point in arguing the matter, if Odin refused to take Loki to a hospital then Thor needed to get Loki home to Eir as soon as possible before his condition got worse. While Heimdall went to the back exit to get the surveillance tape and wait for Frey to pull up, Thor went to the backroom where there was a blanket on the couch and covered Loki's body with it before he and Heimdall carefully lifted him up to take him out and back home.

 

***

 

The ride home seemed to take an eternity. Heimdall had gone ahead on his bike to help Eir prepare things needed and make sure that Skurge and anyone else that still lingered about were sent to the celebration party thrown for the Aesir downtown instead of staying at Odin's to witness things, then he came back out to help Thor carry Loki inside and up the stairs to his room. He gave the boy one last look and a soft prayer before returning to the shop to clean up all the tell-tale spots that the cleaning crew shouldn't know about.

Eir had seen many brutal injuries during her long years with the Aesir, but this time she actually gasped and had to take a moment to collect herself before her instincts kicked in and she set to work with Thor as her assistant. They cleaned away all the blood and filth and Eir stitched him back up. The worst wounds needed to be treated with chemical cauterization to make the bleeding stop, something Eir had plenty of experience of doing in make-shift settings like this one instead of at her clinic. The arms were luckily not broken so they only needed to be popped back into place. Eir took samples to test for diseases and gave him shots to help beat the infection and the fever that had started to take over.

There were a couple of deep bite wounds to Loki's chest that Thor hadn't seen before, but as the back was in a worse condition Loki had to lie on his front. It would hurt his chest and might constrict his breathing a little, but his back would feel as if on fire and needed to be cleaned and rewrapped more often. The text had been carved thick and deep to make sure it would never go away.

Eir instructed Thor on how to do everything for when she couldn't be around. And despite Thor's discomfort, he was also taught how to clean Loki's occasionally still bleeding rectum and to gently rub soothing ointment in it.

They covered Loki with a blanket before they both sat down in chairs on opposite sides of the bed, keeping watch while Odin was downstairs making plans of revenge.

They had both dozed off but quickly became alert when Loki started to stir in the early hours of the morning. He whimpered in pain as he tried to crawl away from the bed, his fever making him think he was still in Thanos' hold instead of his own bed. Eir rushed to his side.

"Loki? It's Eir. You--"

"Get away from me!" Loki shouted and pushed away her hands whenever she tried to reach out to him. "Don't touch me!!"

"Loki, please calm down," Thor begged as he kneeled down by the bed. "She's here to help you."

"Thor?" Loki asked, his voice so small and pained that Thor couldn't hold back his tears anymore.

"I'm here, little brother," he said and took a hold of Loki's hand that had started to reach out for him. "I'm here, you're safe, you're home, it's going to be alright."

Loki started crying and Thor held him in his arms to let them both know he really was safe. Eir left them alone to go down and talk with Odin.

Thor went to lie beside Loki in his bed, his arms tightly wrapped around him, whispering soft words of love and encouragements to him as Loki cried heavily into his chest. They both fell asleep like that.

A few hours later, Thor woke up when Eir stroked his cheek.

"He's going to be all right," she spoke softly. "Odin wants you to take care of him, he's going to need all your support. You should know everything that needs to be done but if you still have any questions, give me a call."

Thor frowned at her leaving but nodded. He was one of the very few people that Loki trusted with all his heart and Thor would do everything in his power to make sure Loki got the best care that he could provide.

His hold tightened around Loki's burning hot body half on top of his own but he couldn't return to sleep. He had almost lost his little brother, and feeling him pressed up against himself, _feeling_ every heartbeat and puff of breaths, was what he needed to ensure himself that Loki was still with him. Still alive.

He lied there watching and feeling him until Loki woke up, with groans and gasps as he became conscious of all the pain his body suffered from. Loki tensed at the position and the hold he was kept in but Thor made soothing noises, as if calming a wild trapped animal, and Loki remembered where he was and who he was lying on top of.

Thor. Thor was home, safety.

He couldn't help but to cry as he rubbed his face on Thor's shirt, breathing in his scent. The wounds on his back burned from the hold Thor's heavy arms had on him but he never wanted Thor to ease up or let go.

"Hey, baby bro," Thor murmured.

"Hey", Loki croaked in reply, his throat swollen and rough from the screaming and rough handling only hours ago.

"Do you need to use the bathroom?"

Loki shook his head.

"You need to drink water and take your meds."

Thor made to move Loki aside so he could get up but Loki vehemently refused to budge.

"Loki..."

"No, I don't want to. I want to stay like this."

Thor stroked his hair to comfort him.

"When you've taken your meds, we can go back to this. Okay?"

He waited until Loki eventually nodded in affirmation before trying to rise up, only to abruptly stop when Loki yelled out in pain.

Loki's body felt like like it was on fire and even the slightest movement of his back or arms caused the damaged skin to pull and remind him of Thanos' knife cutting into him. Thor needed him to be somewhat upright as to not choke though and very slowly with endless amounts of patience Thor managed to get Loki into a good enough position for it. He reached out to the bedside table for a glass of water and the pills next to it, already prepared by Eir before she left.

It was difficult for Loki to swallow with his throat hurting like it was, but Thor's patience and encouriging soft words eventually helped Loki succeed. Thor kissed the top of his head and put the glass back on the table then slowly moved back into a lying position with Loki on top of him.

He waited until Loki's breathing evened out as he got knocked out from the strong meds, then ever so carefully started to move out from Loki's possessive hold. He made sure his brother was laying in a comfortable position before he stretched his back and left the room.

He walked down the stairs and out to the back porch to breathe. He slumped down on the hammock and reached for the packet of cigarettes that laid there. Inhaling the smoke helped calm his nerves, and once the first cigarette was done, he quickly lit another. His hands were shaking, both from the shock he was still in over what had been done to Loki, and from trying to hold in his rage and to not seek Thanos out to kill him himself.

Before he knew it, he broke down crying. He placed his head in one of his hands and tried to keep quiet in case any of Odin's men were nearby. He shouldn't have gone with Odin last night, he should have stayed with Loki. He should have closed the shop and taken Loki home. He should have kept Loki safe instead of trying to be just like his father and then Loki wouldn't be upstairs in agony of which Thor could never even begin to imagine because of his and Odin's ignorance.

When he had finished crying he lit a third cigarette, smoking it quickly before wiping his eyes and going back inside. He headed up to his own room to quickly shower and change into a fresh set of clothes – throwing his blood-soaked ones into the bin – before once again going downstairs to grab something for himself to eat. He took note that the fridge had been fully stocked with yoghurt for Loki, who was going to be kept on a strictly liquid diet for atleast the entire week on order by Eir.

A small group of Aesir were standing in the kitchen and all of them offered Thor their sympathies but also their admiration of Loki whom had stood up the the Mad Titan himself and had survived with only a beating. Thor forced himself to smile, to act as if he was proud, because just like Odin he didn't want to tell any of them the actual truth of what Loki had been put through. It wasn't any of their business.

He walked back to Loki's room and was struck by the heavy smell of blood and sweat. He opened a window to let some fresh air in and sat down by the desk to nibble on an apple. He wasn't hungry but he needed to have the energy and strength to take care of his brother.

Loki woke up after a few hours, he whimpered fearfully when he realised he was alone and his hands were instantly searching for Thor. Thor rushed over to hold his hands in his to calm Loki down.

"I'm here," he spoke as he felt Loki's grip tighten around his.

"Don't leave me!" Loki cried, hating to be so vulnerable but couldn't stop himself from not to.

"I'm not leaving you, I'm right here. I promise I'll always be right here."

He sat down on the bed and leaned down to kiss the back of Loki's head as Loki wept, and they stayed like that until Loki had calmed down.

"Do you need the bathroom?"

Loki nodded.

"Alright, I'm going to help you get there. And then I'm going to fill up the tub with some water for you to sit in, does that sound good? But first I'm going to have to remove the gauze sponge down there, okay?"

Loki frowned but didn't say anything. He let go of Thor's hands so his brother could move, and he could feel Thor's hands on his hips as Thor eased him into what was coming next. Thor spoke gently with him to remind him it was him, but Loki couldn't help the flush of embarrassment on his face as Thor spread his cheeks and removed the gauze sponge placed there, already blood-soaked from the night.

Thor helped him up into a sitting position so he could lift him up and Loki had never been more grateful for Thor's almost obsessive need to work out and build up his body. Thor placed him on the toilet so he could sit and pee while Thor started filling the tub, and then Thor helped him over to it so he could sit down there.

It hurt so much at first, but then it started to feel soothing and above all cleansing. The water level was kept to a minimum as to not reach up to the still dressed wounds on his back. Thor dutifully kept by his side and even brushed Loki's teeth for him, and held a mug for Loki to spit the paste into so to not taint the bathing water.

"Bruh m' tong," Loki tried to speak with the toothbrush in his mouth.

Thor frowned as he tried to understand and Loki rolled his eyes and turned his head away to remove the toothbrush.

"I said, brush my tongue."

He stuck it out, flat and wide, and Thor did as Loki wanted for as long as Loki wanted to, but it seemed like Loki never felt like he was getting clean. Thor could only take a guess as to what Thanos and the Black Order had done to Loki and he made a note to throw away to tainted toothbrush and get another when they were done.

Loki only agreed to stop having his tongue brushed when Thor suggested mouth wash instead, and after three rinses did Loki seem to start feeling like he'd finally gotten rid of the taste of _them_.

"Wash my hair."

"I can't get your back wet."

"So?"

"So, how am I going to wash your hair without getting the rest of you soaked."

It wasn't like Thor could even take Loki to a hair salon to have them wash the hair, as Loki wouldn't be able to lean back against anything. The thought did give him an idea, however. He went out to Loki's walk-in closet to search for a raincoat. Using the scissors on Loki's desk he cut away the lower portion of it and headed back into Loki's bathroom where he was met with a slight curve of Loki's lips.

He helped ease Loki's injured arms into the sleeves and pulled it up high and tight around his neck. The raincoat covered the arms and back perfectly and Thor would just have to take care that the water wouldn't get inside the collar.

Loki leaned his head back as much as he could and Thor carefully washed him, using only water and not shampoo even though Loki had tried to demand it.

"Sometimes you are surprisingly clever," Loki said after a while, his eyes closed and enjoying the feel of Thor's fingers and the warm water along his scalp, cleaning away the feel of _their_ hold on him.

"Only sometimes? You wound me."

"Wouldn't want you to let the praise get to your head." Loki glanced down at the raincoat. "I never thought I'd actually have a use for this thing."

_'And certainly not like this'_ remained unspoken.

Thor washed his face and torso before wrapping his hair in a towel, then gently removed the raincoat to hang it up to dry.

"I'm gonna go and change the sheets then I'll help you get back there."

Loki nodded and Thor left.

Thor let out a shaky breath as he took in the sight of the bed. Eir had before their arrival last night put a pair of anti-wetting sheets on Loki's bed as to not cause damage to it, and the top layer was covered with blood. He bunched them all up together and threw them into the bin, then grabbed a couple of new sheets Eir had left for him and covered the bed with them.

He went back to help Loki stand so he could dry the rest of him off with another towel then lifted him up and carried him to bed.

"I have some ointment for your, ah, for your butt. Eir says you need it and it's going to help you a lot. Are you okay with it?"

Loki felt himself start to panic but Thor's hand on his hip, just laying there unmoving to remind him of his presence, was enough to make him nod.

He heard Thor put on gloves and open a tube, and then those hand spread his cheeks. Loki buried his face in the pillow and bit back a whimper of discomfort as he felt a cold wet finger probe him.

"Hey, it's just me. I know you hate it but try and breathe for me, brother. Shh, there you go. Just breathe."

Thor continued to talk to him as he pushed his finger deeper inside to coat Loki with the soothing balm. Thor went slow and gentle but it still made Loki tense up as he thought of Thanos. When Thor was done, he placed a new gauze sponge inbetween the cheeks and then threw the gloves away. Loki drew a shaky breath. The salve was working quickly though and soon some of the stinging pain had subsided and numbed away. Thor covered his lower body with a blanket then let out a sigh.

"Now comes the worst part."

Loki huffed.

"What could possibly be worse than that?"

"Your arms and back. I need to redress them atleast twice a day, more so if the stitches goes up. It's going to hurt a lot. Are you ready?"

Loki took a deep breath and nodded.

Thor put on a fresh set of gloves and started with his arms. It stung madly when the bandaging and gauzes were removed, sometimes pulling his skin where the blood and pus didn't seem to want the covering to let go. Loki could only watch in stunned silence as he took in the state of his arms.

Thanos had carved him up as if he were a pumpkin for Halloween. It must've been a miracle that his skin was even able to have been put together and not just have strips of dead skin removed to turn him into some mutilated freak.

But then Thor started to remove the wrappings on his back.

Loki let out a scream and Thor instantly stopped and stroked Loki's hip to soothe him.

"Breathe, baby brother, breathe. We need to do this."

Loki cried as he once again buried his face in the pillow, to mute any other sounds he would undoubtedly make. Thor tried his best to make it as painless as possible but Loki's back was so damaged. The smell of the wounds almost choked Thor and when he uncovered the text he couldn't help but to sob, but he had to stay strong for Loki.

Thor cleaned the wounds with antiseptic and Loki almost passed out. He redressed them and quickly removed his gloves and threw them carelessly aside as he slumped down on the bed against the headboard, too exhausted but to sit there and stroke Loki's hair as they both cried. Loki clung to him with his face on Thor's thigh and his hurting arms wrapped tightly around Thor's waist.

They stayed like that until they'd both calmed down and Thor eased Loki's grip on him so he could stand up. He threw away all the used items into the waste bin and tied the bag up to throw it out.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm just gonna go out and throw this away. I'll be back in a minute."

"No!"

"Loki..."

"You can't go outside!"

Loki looked almost hysterical. Thor narrowed his eyes. This wasn't just about him leaving Loki for a short moment, there had to be something more to get Loki so worked up.

"Why is that?" he asked more calmly than he felt.

Loki looked at him with wide scared eyes.

_** "If you survive this, Odinson, then know I'm coming back for you, and that pretty brother of yours too. I'll have you both with me when the Black Order destroys everything Odin holds dear." **_

Thanos' words repeated themselves in his head over and over and he started to hyperventilate. Thor dropped the bag immediately and sat down next to him to help calm him down. Loki wrapped his arms tightly around him as if he could physically keep him from going outside.

"He's... he told me he was going to take you, too," Loki sobbed. "Don't you fucking dare to let him get that chance!"

Thor's breath caught in his throat. Thanos and Odin hated each other, but for the hate to go out over Odin's kids the way it had done seemed almost unreal. Yet Loki layed here, mutilated and damaged and begged Thor to keep inside as to not let the same thing happen to him. As unlikely as it was to have anyone of the Black Order lurking outside Odin's house, he couldn't take the threat too lightly.

"I won't go outside," he promised. "I'll have someone else run all the errands for us. Boss the prospects around properly, yeah?" He tried to joke but Loki still cried and clung to him.

"We have a rat," Loki added after awhile, as all of the conversation with Thanos came back to him. He still cried but he needed to inform his brother of everything of value. "Someone told Thanos of the deal and that's why he came, to take the stock. Dad needs to find the fucking rat. Don't trust anyone of them!"

Thor's heart grew cold. Someone of their own had decided to try and win Thanos' favor. That was a huge deal and needed to be taken care of as soon as possible. And, if he knew Odin, as bloody as possible to make a statement for others who entertained the idea of backstabbing their own. And as easy as it would've been to suspect one of the newer guys it could very possibly be one of the men closest to Odin.

"We'll weed him out, don't you worry," Thor promised him. "We'll make sure the fucking rat pays for it."

He stayed with Loki until he had cried himself to sleep, too worn out by everything, then made his way downstairs to the lounge where a group of Aesir hung out. He ordered the two prospects to take out the trash and buy some things, including a new toothbrush for Loki. Then he went to Odin to share what Loki had told him.

 

***

 

The following week followed pretty much the same routine. In the morning, Thor would help Loki clean up before putting ointment inside of him and redressing the wounds. After more or less forcing Loki to eat some yoghurt, Loki would take one of the strong medicines that would knock him out for another few hours. Thor spent that time working out in the gym set up for him in his own room, then got freshened up and back by Loki's side in time for him to wake up.

He would keep him company, help him with whatever he needed to do or just sit and play with Loki's hair. He had per Loki's request sent a text message to all of Loki's friends to let them know that something had come up and Loki wouldn't be able to hang out with them for some time. Occasionally Loki fell asleep due to his fatigue but he always suffered from nightmares and Thor soon learned to see the beginning signs of distress to wake him up before the dreams could start.

In the evenings he would redress the wounds again followed by a bigger dose of medicine that would have Loki out for the entire night and to keep him from having nightmares.

Loki's body had slowly started to heal. He didn't bleed out of his rectum anymore, but was still instructed to use the ointment for atleast the whole week. His left arm had gotten good enough for him to use it a bit without upsetting the wounds too much, mainly to brush his teeth and hair. He had to rely on Thor to help him with everything else, including finally washing his hair as soon as he had become strong enough to stand up for a few minutes, and Loki's hair had finally gotten cleansed from all the dirt and grime and ghost touches.

His mind was still a mess and even though he tried to act like he had started to get over the worst of the trauma he still fretted whenever Thor was out of his sight for too long. He still remained in his room, refusing to have contact with anyone but Thor.

The search for the rat didn't go as easy as Thor had hoped. Odin did his best to find the man - or men; there was always the possibility that there was more than one. His sons lives were on the line and Thor could only hope that the guilty party was found before Odin did something drastic like sacrificing loyal men.

 

***

 

Six days after the incident, Loki was strong enough to go to the bathroom on his own. He shut the door behind him and took a deep calming breath before stepping up to the mirror above the sink.

He took a moment before forcing himself to look up, to watch himself in the mirror for the first time. He looked horrible. His face was ash gray and sunken in with large dark circles under his eyes, and the large still swollen bruise from Thanos' gun had discoloured the entire upper left half of his face. A few lighter bruises decorated his neck from when Thanos had wrapped his hand around it.

He looked at his body, the bruised scars on his chest where Thanos had bitten him, the still-present bruises from his fingers around his waist. No surprises, he'd seen them plenty of times but it still felt strange to see them in the mirror. It suddenly looked so different when he saw them like that, they were truly on him and not just his own imagination. He took a shaky breath as he lifted one arm after the other to peel away the gauzes on them, to completely take in the decorations Thanos had branded him with.

He could see a few small Black Order symbols but mostly it was just curved lines, haphazardly made and thick enough to never fade and in some places even deep enough to have disrupted the muscle tissue, which was why he still needed so much help from Thor.

Then there was only one last place that he needed to look at. His arms burned from the effort as he pried off the bandaging from his back and he bit his lip hard enough to draw blood to keep quiet and not alert Thor to what he was up to. Thor had constantly refused to tell him how bad the injuries were and he needed to finally see for himself.

He threw the bloody bandages to the floor and took a few moments to get his breath back and let the pain in his arms to subside before he turned around. A final deep, deep breath before he slowly turned his head to look over his shoulder into the mirror.

And for a full minute he could only stare.

Jaw slack open, eyes wide, he tried to refuse to accept what he was seeing, he must be hallucinating, but then it finally became too much. _"Thanos' fucktoy"_ was carved into him for everyone to see, to forever remind him of what had happened. He let out a horrified scream and fell down to the floor as he started crying hysterically.

Thor rushed in but came to an abrupt halt by the door as he took in the scenario, of all the dressing bandages on the floor and Thanos' message in full view. He kneeled down next to Loki and gently put a hand on his shoulder. Loki flinched back wildly, almost toppling over, and Thor cursed to himself for being so stupid before he talked calmly to Loki, letting him know of his presence, telling him he was going to touch him before once again placing his hand on Loki's shoulder, letting it stay there for a moment before drawing him into himself.

Loki stiffened but then wrapped his arms around Thor and cried madly into his chest. Thor put a hand into Loki's hair, the safest place to touch him now when all the wounds were uncovered, and stroked his hair gently.

"Shh, baby brother. It's gonna be all right. We'll fix it, I promise you, we're gonna fix it no matter what it takes. We'll get that off of you, I promise you, Loki."

He kept talking to Loki, kept making promises he had no idea of how he was going to keep. Loki continued to cry for a half an hour before it slowly ebbed away to sobs and sniffles.

"Baby, can you walk? We need to clean and redress the wounds so they don't get infected."

Loki shook his head. For all he cared they could get infected, make a mess of his whole back, anything to make the words unreadable.

Thor sighed, knowing exactly what Loki was thinking.

"They need to heal, baby. They're awful and I know how much you want them gone and I do too, but if they don't heal we can't fix it. Okay? Baby Lokes? Can you stand up?"

Loki didn't believe him but for Thor's sake he let Thor help him to stand up and walk back to the bed. He lied down on it and stared absently into the wall on his left as Thor cleaned and dressed the wounds, hiding them from sight.

Thor went to the bathroom to grab the old bandages to throw them away with the gloves and washed his hands, and he almost missed when Loki spoke.

"I didn't want this," Loki said a a quiet voice.

"Of course you didn't! Nobody would want this done to them."

"Odin probably thinks so. He probably thinks this is my fault."

"Loki..."

"Or he thinks this is just what I deserve. The best way to cure gayness is to fuck it right out of me."

"Loki!" The younger startled at Thor's sudden yell and Thor winced. He sat down next to Loki and stroked his hair in apology as he softened his voice. "Dad loves you. I've never seen him so upset before. Please believe me."

"If he loved me, why is he hiding me away in my room like he's ashamed of me? Why didn't he take me to a hospital?"

Thor smiled sadly.

"Because he knows you would have panicked there and try to go home rather than have everyone know and pity you."

It hurt to say it as some sort of cover-up for Odin's choice of words, but he knew it was true. Loki seemed to slowly come to that realisation too.

"I would," he agreed softly.

"Listen to me, Loki. We're gonna fix it. You'll just have to give it time to heal, then we'll get you a really badass tattoo. No one but you and me needs to know it's ever been there."

"And the tattoo artist," Loki mumbled. "And Odin, and Eir, and--"

"Well okay, yeah. But no one else. I promise you, Loki."

Loki didn't say anything.

 

***

 

The day after, Loki was sitting by his desk, drawing ideas for tattoos that would have to cover his entire back and arms. Loki didn't want only the text covered but every last trace of anything Thanos had branded him with. So in addition to a full backpiece there would also be sleeves, maybe a chestpiece too if the bite wounds wouldn't fully fade.

As much as Thor hated the reason why his baby brother would get covered in tattoos, he had no doubt that Loki would look great with them. The sketches Loki were doing were fantastic.

They sat in, what Thor considered at the time, a comfortable silence with Loki sketching and Thor playing a video game, then Loki went to go to the bathroom. Thor didn't think any of it for some time until he realised just how long Loki was taking. With him still being on a liquid diet, something else was going on. Thor paused his game and walked over, almost dreading what he'd see when he opened the door. Loki wouldn't want to take a look at the carvings again, did he?

He knocked once to let Loki know before he opened it.

Only to see Loki repeatedly stabbing the scissors into his own back, as if he could hide the words by slashing it all up.

Thor immediately jumped into action, he went to grab the blood-soaked scissors and pry them out of Loki's hand. Loki yelled at him and tried to fight him but Thor easily overpowered him. He threw the scissors into the corner of the bathroom and grabbed Loki's face hard.

"What were you thinking?!" he couldn't help but to shout at Loki who kept struggling against him, desperate to get to the scissors and continue with mutilating himself.

"Let go of me, Thor!"

"No! What the fuck were you doing, Loki?!"

"It's _my_ fucking body, I can do whatever the hell I want to it!"

"Like hell you are!"

Loki was still fighting him and yelling at him so Thor manhandled him into the bedroom and threw him down on the bed.

"Don't you fucking move!" he shouted at him with his booming voice and Loki froze with fear.

Thor was still furious as he left Loki to himself to go rummage through his entire room, bathroom and walk-in closet in search of any sharp items. Scissors, pencils, ornaments, _anything_ that was even the slightest pointy enough for Loki to cause injury to himself, Thor threw it all into a bag that he left in his own room before he stomped out to the balcony for fresh air and to take a calming smoke.

Only when the worst of his fury had abated did the guilt start to settle in. He shouldn't have yelled like that at Loki and left him alone. He should have comforted him. But being coped up for so long and continuously holding back his anger instead of hunting down and killing the monster was taking its toll.

As he lit up a second cigarette, he picked up his phone to call Eir. She needed to check on the wounds and try to talk some sense into him. If Loki couldn't be trusted to be on his own without harming himself Thor didn't know what to do. Eir would arrive within the hour and it was only when he was going to put his phone away again that he noted it was covered in blood. He looked at his hand and for the first time noticed the deep gash in it, from when he had cut himself on Loki's scissors when he had taken them away from Loki. He swore to himself and took a deep breath before going to his own room to clean it up a bit before Eir could check on it, and hoped that any possible diseases Loki had gotten from Thanos wouldn't transfer to him, then with a shake of his head for thinking such egoistic thoughts he returned to Loki's room.

Loki layed on the bed exactly how Thor had left him, but only now did Thor see how he was shaking with fear. Thor wanted to kick himself. How could he have been so stupid and selfish?

He talked gently with Loki as he went to lay down next to him and stroked his hair, taking his time to gently coax Loki back from wherever he had escaped to in his mind.

"Never yell at me like that again," Loki whispered and Thor couldn't hold back a few tears from slipping out.

"Never again," he promised. "You scared me so much, I didn't think. I'm so sorry. But you can't do that shit again, okay? Never!"

"It won't go away," Loki replied. "Tats can hide them if the skin gets good enough but they will still be _felt!_ I don't want that. I don't want to still feel them on me."

"So you were going to destroy your own back?"

"If that's what it takes." Loki looked at him with a deranged look in his eyes and Thor hated it. "Thor, if I can't get the tats, or if it doesn't work to cover it up, I want you to fix it, like you said you would. Carve it all up or burn it, I don't care. Just make them go away."

"I won't mutilate you."

"And you won't be," Loki insisted fanatically. "You'll be healing me."

Thor didn't say anything else on the matter. Loki couldn't be reasoned with at this time. He didn't want to admit that he undoubtedly would have asked the same if he had been the one branded.

 

***

 

Despite Odin's strict orders for all Aesir to stay clear of the Black Order, there had been a small skirmish with a few of them at the parking lot of the local grocery store, of all places. Thor had just walked out of the kitchen with a yoghurt for Loki when he overheard a heated conversation. He kept his ears open as he stopped outside the lounge, hating to leave Loki alone longer than necessary after what he'd done to himself but needing to hear what was said. The Aesirs in the lounge had yet to notice him as one of the newer recruits shared what had happened.

"--they laughed and wondered how Odin's kid was holding up, and then Bragi said 'certainly better than your boss'--"

"Bragi _did_ see Thanos himself the other night. Said his face was all scratched up," another interjected.

"That must've been Loki's doing," a third one said. "So then those rumours are true? _That kid_ managed to stab Thanos in the face and get away with it?"

"That scrawny thing's got massive balls, that's for sure. I don't understand why Odin still refuses to let him join the gang. He's already proven himself to be more of an Aesir than you, Njord."

"Hey--!"

" _Anyway_ , as I was saying," the first voice continued, "one of them said, can you believe it, he actually said that Thanos wanted his toy back. What do you think that--"

"Are you actually standing here gossiping like girls?" Thor boomed as he entered the room to look at them. Three new recruits and two prospects, chattering away about things that didn't concern them.

"We're so sorry, Mr. Odinson," the prospects immediately tried to get back in his favour as to not risk getting kicked out before they'd even joined.

One of the others though didn't seem quite as impressed with Thor's authority.

"Actually, we would like some questions cleared," he said. "It doesn't add up. How can _your little brother_ stab Thanos in the face and survive? And where is he? None of us have seen him for over a week."

Thor's nostrils flared as he tried to reign in his temper. How dared Hermod, this new recruit, think it was appropiate to act with such insolance towards him?

"Loki injured Thanos," he admitted through gritted teeth, "and he himself was injured. That is all any of you need to know."

Hermod looked down at the yoghurt in Thor's hand then up at his face again with narrowed eyes, as if he was piecing together the information he'd heard from the Black Order taunting the Aesirs about the incident.

"And how did Thanos injure him? Why did they refer to Loki as Thanos' toy? I'm just saying everyone knows he's queer and if he requires to be on a liquid diet for this long maybe he offered Than--"

Thor grabbed the man by the throat and pushed him back into the wall.

"Another word from you, rookie, and I'll beat your face up so bad you'll be eating food through a straw for years!"

Hermod raised his hands up to appease Thor.

"I must have misheard them. I am sorry."

Thor pushed him against the wall again in warning before he let go and turned to the men present.

"Loki got beat up. His face is swollen and bruised and hurting and until all the swelling goes down he's unable to chew. You're all grown men, you should know better than listen to taunts and spreading rumours about a _fifteen_ -year old child."

The others had the decency to look ashamed, but Hermod still loooked unconvinced. Thor would make sure all this information got to Odin, so that he could keep a closer eye on him. Maybe this was Thanos' rat?

"Any rumours about Loki that insults his character are taken with utmost seriousness. If you're not loyal enough to Odin to respect his own child, maybe you just don't have what it takes to remain an Aesir."

Hermod looked away at the very real threat of being cast out.

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again."

"It better not. Another disrespectful word about Loki from you and I'll rip your tongue out myself."

Thor was occassionally overlooked from the gang due to his young age of just about seventeen, but he needed to remind them that he was his father's son. He could be just as brutal as Odin himself and though he'd only gone berserk once, it should have been enough to put respect and fear into the others. If Hermod continued to cause trouble, being so dangerously close to outing the truth of Loki's injuries, Thor would have to show them all what lengths he could go to to protect Loki's secret. No one needed to know the truth of what had happened to him and now he could fully understand Odin's decision to keep Loki at home instead of taking him to the hospital.

"Go make yourself useful and mow the lawn, it's starting to overgrow."

Hermod swallowed his pride as he was ordered to do the work of the prospects but Thor thought he'd let him go too easy. Giving him a harder punishment or even breaking his jaw, as Thor longed to do, would only bring negative attention to the words spoken, and thus more attention to Loki. This was for the best. He gave a hard glare at the others before making his way back to Loki.

 

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Two whole weeks had gone by since Thanos. The swelling on Loki's face had gone down and he'd begun to eat a few light meals to get his stomach reacquainted with food, now when his arms were healed enough to clean himself. He still refused to leave his room or have contact with the outside world, even Odin knocking on his door asking for entry was met with stubborn silence. He hadn't tried to harm himself again even though Thor knew it must've been on Loki's mind constantly. And while Thor hated to leave him unattended just in case he'd relapse, he needed some alone time. Work out in the gym in his room, shower, have a smoke.

It was after one of these instances that something had changed when he walked into Loki's room. Loki was sitting on the bed, facing away from him, shaking. He hurried over to sit next to him, ask him what was wrong, and Loki handed him a note.

"I got this from under the door," he said, voice weak and broken.

Thor looked at the note, his heart almost stopping.

_Thanos is coming for the both of you_

No matter if it was intended as a threat or a head's up, the rat'd had access to the private parts of the house, could have walked straight into Loki's room if they had wanted to and hurt him because Thor hadn't been there. Thor was just about to turn and head downstairs to get his hands on the traitor, but Loki started shaking uncontrollably and Thor stayed to hug him tightly.

That was how the Odinsons found themselves sent away to someplace safe, giving Odin much needed time to completely destroy the Black Order, something that would have to be drawn-out as to not gain unwanted attention from the authorities.

They moved into a small flat in a coastal town of California. Heimdall had recommended the place as his niece Brunnhilde, leader of the biker gang the Valkyries, had assured him that the Black Order had no connections there and that she would check up on the boys regularly.

Loki sat on the couch and rolled his eyes. California. Of all the places to send someone with damaged skin. The ceiling fan kept the room cool in addition to the a/c but the sweat made his wounds itch and he had to bite on his fingers to keep from scratching them up.

Thor seemed to thrive here though, as if he was meant to have been here all along. And with his tanned skin and sun-bleached blonde hair, he certainly looked like the typical Californian surfer.

Loki had donned a long sleeved shirt and followed his brother to wherever he wanted to go, usually the beach. Thor would surf and get all the pent-up excess energy out of his system while Loki sat in the shade, sipping a glass of Coke which consisted of more ice than soda. His large-brimmed hat, oversized sunglasses and ocassionally an additional shirt over his already long sleeved one kept most people away from him and whoever dared to make unwanted approaches were met with his sharp tongue.

He knew Thor constantly watched him no matter what he was doing and it helped to put Loki more at ease about being out in public. On the very rare occasion that a stranger didn't leave him alone, Thor would hurry back from the ocean to scare them away with his massive bulk and intimidating nature, and Loki could calm down and go back to his book.

When the new semester at school started, Odin had made sure that Thor would be attending all of Loki's classes. It meant that Thor would repeat his year, but he certainly didn't mind despite some of their classmates teasing him about it, it was something he was more than happy to do to be close to Loki and make sure he was safe.

Thor was charming and fun and soon made plenty of friends. Loki would always hover nearby like some orbiting satellite but he didn't engage much with other people, he didn't have the patience to for the moment. He'd sit by himself in a booth at the local coffee shop when Thor was there to hang out with his friends, or a few seats down the table at the school's cafeteria, or he'd sit in the shadows beneath the bleachers whenever Thor was at football practice and then sit by Thor's locker when Thor and his team-mates would shower and change because Loki couldn't stand the thought of waiting outside on his own. He'd stolen enough of Thor's time during those two weeks after Thanos, this was the least he could do for Thor. As much as Loki would rather sit at home, shirt off and being cooled by the ceiling fan, he could sacrifice some hours of his day in this awful heat to let Thor live his life, as long as he got to be near him to ensure both of their safety. He tried not to think about the overwhelming panic he felt whenever he was seperated from Thor for too long.

"What's up with your brother?" Tony, one of Thor's friends had asked one day. "Is he always like that?"

Thor cast a longing gaze over at where Loki sat by himself and gave a half-hearted shrug.

"He's satisfied like that, I guess. I've tried to talk him into joining us but he's not really up to it yet. It's all up to him."

That seemed to have been the starting point of Tony taking it upon himself to let Thor's aloof brother into their midst.

The dark-haired teen started to drop by Loki's booth, to sit down uninvited and chat away for a time. Loki at first had been annoyed, made scathing remarks to make the other go away but Tony Stark wouldn't let himself get scared off. Quite the opposite, he had found Loki amusing and intriguing and started to make even more of an effort to try and include him. Thor kept glancing worriedly at them everytime Tony would stop by to hang out with Loki wherever they were the following week but wouldn't interfere unless Loki specifically asked him to. That is, that was what he _meant_ to do until one day when he saw Tony try and take a hold of Loki's hands over the table at the coffee shop. Loki had flinched away and Thor saw red.

He had enough sense to not cause a scene, but when Tony went to the restroom he followed him in, grabbed Tony by the neck and shoved him back into the wall.

"What are your intentions with my brother?" he had growled.

Tony tried to pry Thor's hand off of him as he gulped for air.

"You know, our friendship might crack if you choke me to death," he'd tried to joke and Thor released his hold but didn't step back.

"Whatever games you're playing, you're not to play them on him," Thor threatened.

Tony raised his hands and looked up at the scary blonde with wide eyes.

"I'm not playing, I promise, pal! I'm just trying to get him to lighten up and join us. I actually like your brother. He's kind of a dick, but he's fun. I was thinking he might actually enjoy hanging out with us as well." He hesitated only for the slightest moment before he continued, "Or if he, you know, finally agrees to go on a date with me, I'm sure he would enjoy that too."

Thor's eyes almost bulged out of his head and Tony would've found that humorous if he wasn't so damned scared of the Overprotective Big Brother. All traces of the good guy Thor that Tony had befriended was gone, and in its place was this fearsome creature that wouldn't seem to have any problems with hurting or killing people to protect his own.

"A date?!"

Thor took a step back to calm himself down. He liked Tony, he was a good and fun and kind friend, but his dating history was far too long for it to be acceptable for Loki's recovery.

"A date with Loki," he growled. "And once you've had your fun with him, you'll dump him to pursue the next target."

"Fine, okay, I have a reputation, I'll give you that," Tony nodded. Despite his young age he'd already done more things than most people could even think of. "But I like Loki. I'm not saying I'll fall in love and only want to be with him for the rest of our lives in a little rainbow cottage or whatever, but I won't try anything with him. Okay? I didn't think I'd need his big brother's approval to go on a date with him but if he ever accepts I'll be a perfect gentleman and I hope we're good friends enough for you to know you can take my word on it."

Thor was still raging at the thought of someone he called a friend might just wanted Loki to be another conquest. Still, everything would be Loki's decision. It _needed_ to be Loki's decision. Thor shouldn't be keeping Loki dependent on him forever.

He lifted a finger and wagged it angrily in Tony's face.

"No kissing, absolutely no fucking, and not a single touch on his person unless he specifically allows you to with his own words."

Tony's eyes were still wide but he nodded, quite taken aback.

"Yeah, whatever you say. I won't do anything he doesn't allow me to. He's a good guy, Thor. It shouldn't come as a shock that someone might want to date him."

Thor let out a frustrated sigh and ran his finger through his hair. He couldn't help but to think back on how Loki had been before everything had happened, how happy and outgoing he'd been, how he'd loved to hang out with his friends and go on dates. How he'd had no problems experimenting with Fandral, whom had been his not quite boyfriend. And to think of the Loki who was sitting out there by himself, probably getting more anxious by the minute of not having Thor within his sight, being so fucking scared of everything. They still slept together in the same bed because Loki refused to have his own bedroom, to be alone with his nightmares.

"He..." Thor coughed and tried again. "He's not like those people you're used to, okay? Be careful with him."

He left Tony to go back out where Loki could see him and true enough, the anxiety was clear to see. Loki let out the breath he'd been holding and slowly sat back in his booth, not taking his eyes off of Thor for the longest time.

Months passed like this.

Tony stopping by to chat with Loki, at school or after school whenever they met, inviting him to join him and Thor and the others - sometimes Loki accepted - and frequently asked Loki on a date, which Loki always declined. Thor watched them like a hawk which put Loki at ease and he'd open up more and more with Tony and eventually the other ones in the merry little crew.

It was a painfully slow transition but when Thor could finally see the former Loki break through, with his joy and mischief, it was all worth it.

When Loki's sixteenth birthday had come the group of friends had organised a small surprise party for him. Loki's face had lit up and Thor's heart had swollen with pride. Tony had even been allowed to give Loki a hug, and maybe, just maybe, Loki would recover from his ordeal.

 

***

 

Almost a full year had passed since the incident. Thor and Loki had gotten regular updates from home, how Odin and the Aesir had hunted down the two rats – both men had been Aesir for a year before attempting to try their luck with Thanos instead – and then taken down the Black Order piece by piece, and Thor longed to get back home to be part of it, to be the one who got to kill the monster after the things he'd put Loki through, or even let Loki himself pull the trigger if he wanted to, but they needed to remain here where it was safe. They couldn't take out the victory in advance in case it would backfire on them. 

Still it felt like nothing had really prepared Loki for when they'd gotten the phone call from their dad, saying that Thanos had finally been killed and they could come home.

Thanos was dead.

He was gone, and no longer a threat to Loki or Thor.

He was _dead_.

It had taken Loki twenty minutes to let it sink in, it felt more as if someone was playing a mean prank on him, but when it did he'd started to cry with relief. Thanos, Maw and the rest of them were dead. Odin himself had cut the bastard's throat and before Thanos had even gotten around to die, Odin and Heimdall had started to butcher the body into pieces before burning it.

The Aesir had done a thorough job of destroying everything that had ever been associated with the man, leaving nothing in his memory.

Nothing but the words carved into Loki's back.

The scars had healed enough for them to go to a tattoo parlour for advice. Loki had shown a part of his arm which had some of the deepest damage and the tattoo artist described what could be done and how the outcome would be, and to Loki's disappointment that he needed even more time to heal the bigger wounds. He'd gotten a small tattoo over some of the scars on his lower arm though, a tiny promise of what was to come. A tiny bit of Thanos had been covered up and Loki couldn't stop touching it, transfixed by how the beautiful tattoo had swallowed up the ugly scars. He could still feel them beneath the ink, but if he let himself be distracted by the butterfly he found it easier to deal with. Getting rid of Thanos could finally seem to become a reality.

Or atleast that's what Thor had thought.

They were packing down all their belongings in order to move back to Chicago. Thor would miss his new life in California and his friends, but he also longed to get back to Odin's side with the Aesir where he belonged. Where Loki had also more than earned his position, if he wanted it.

Thor looked over to his brother who stood staring out the window in their kitchen and looked anxious about something. He'd probably gone back to the incident in his head, with it being a whole year to the date since it had happened, and Thor stepped over to be closer to him. Loki was breathing fast and up close Thor could see all the perspiration on his skin.

"Lokes, baby? You okay?"

Loki shook his head and looked up at him with tear-filled eyes.

"Thor... please. Please just fuck me."

Thor's eyes widened almost comically. His mouth opened and closed but no words emerged.

"I want you to and I know you haven't had much sex in a year so it's a win-win situation, isn't it? Besides, you've had your fingers up my ass every day for over a week, putting your dick in there just once shouldn't make too much of a difference, right?"

"What the hell, Loki?!" Thor finally managed to squeak out.

"I don't..." Loki broke off and looked aside as he made his confession. "I'm still scared and I can't stand it. Every time I close my eyes I see him, I remember his... his touches, his words, every single thing he did to me. I thought it'd fade away with time but it's been a year now and it _doesn't_." He took a few too quick breaths before daring to raise his eyes and look at Thor. "I don't want to be scared anymore, and you're the only one I trust."

Thor looked back at him, his eyes brimming with tears that fell down over his cheeks as his heart clenched in agony as he listened to his brother, remembered the horrors Loki had been put through.

He reached out to grab Loki by the neck and pull him into a tight embrace. Loki froze up as he always did – no, not always; only for the past year – whenever he was touched unexpectedly, but when his mind caught up with whom was holding him he slowly started to relax. Thor held on to him as if he was afraid to let him go.

"I can't," he whispered into Loki's ear, making Loki shed tears of his own.

Loki was desperate to get rid of the memories that had plagued him for so long and Thor was his only chance, and he was denying him. He wanted to move back, turn around and maybe act as if he'd never made his confession, never made the request in the first place, joke it away as if it was merely some sort of prank, but Thor only held on tighter.

"I love you so much, Loki. I want to do anything for you to help you feel better, but I can't do that."

Loki sobbed.

Thor held him in silence for several minutes before he asked.

"What about Fandral? When we get back home. You'd trust him enough?"

Loki almost choked as he shook his head fervently.

"I don't want him to ever know. That's why I want you to do it now. I wouldn't be able to face him like this. Be so fucking scared of just the thought of being alone with him or him touching me."

"If it scares you so much, you're not ready to do it yet."

"If I don't do it, I'm going to keep being scared. Didn't you listen to a word I said?!"

Thor held on to him just as tightly as before but remained quiet to let Loki cool down. They stood like that for a long time until Loki's breathing had eased down and the worst of his anxiety had faded.

"What about Tony?" Thor mumbled silently.

"What about Tony?" Loki asked.

"I mean, if you really think you're ready to do this, maybe you should try with him. He's had it bad for you for so long."

Loki laughed. Shocked and baffled, but a laugh all the same. He leaned back from the embrace to look Thor in the eyes.

"He told me you tried to scare him off, and now you're actually suggesting I should fuck him?"

"Yeah, well, he likes you. And he's scared enough of me to make sure to stop whenever you say so."

Loki placed his head back on Thor's shoulder to sob or chuckle, Thor wasn't quite sure.

"Wouldn't that make you more certain of being alone with him?" Thor questioned when Loki had been silent for far too long.

Loki clung to him tightly and breathed in his scent. Thor was safety. Always had been, always would be.

"I want you there," he mumbled at last.

"Sorry?"

"I said," Loki took a deep breath and turned his head to not have his words muffled by Thor's shirt. His face was burning with his request, even though he'd already asked of so much more from Thor just minutes before. "I want you to be there. If I do it with Tony, I want you be there with me."

"Loki..."

"You don't have to look," Loki hurriedly assured him as he lifted his head to meet his eyes. "You can have your headphones on so you don't hear anything. I just... I don't even know, myself. I just need to have you there. Hold on to you, maybe."

"What, you want me to, like, hold your hand when you have sex?" Thor tried to joke.

"Yes."

Loki looked him in the eyes, _meaning_ the word with every fibre of his being, and Thor couldn't look away. His little brother was desperate and it pained Thor so much.

"And then what? If I'm there with you this once, do you think your fears are magically going to disappear for the next time?"

Loki didn't break his gaze as he pondered things over.

"Maybe not," he said after a while. "But atleast I wouldn't be feeling lost and alone this time."

Thor was the one to break the eye contact at those words, being reminded again of what Loki had been put through, of things he still didn't even know any specific details of. He could understand Loki's reasoning, but he still thought it was far too soon for Loki to even be thinking about doing it. Then again, Loki was still so scared that he couldn't sleep alone at night.

He could do this for Loki, couldn't he?

"What exactly would you need me to do?" he asked as he looked back up at his brother.

Loki's face began to transform, from sad and desperate to almost hopeful.

"I just need to hold you. If I get scared or he happens to touch my scars, I need to be able to grab a hold of you."

"And Tony would be okay with me there with you?"

"If he wants me like you say he does, he better."

Thor huffed out a laugh, then shook his head.

"If you honestly think you are ready for it, I'll be right there with you."

Loki sobbed and hugged him tightly.

Thor bit his lip. He didn't know if this would work, if Loki would even be able to go through with any of it, but if Loki needed his presence then Thor owed it to him to be there. If there was even the slightest chance that Loki's mental health would improve with this then it would be worth it, wouldn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So yeah, third and last part will be a stand-alone frostiron+thunder, because people should be able to read it without having to read these two parts, even though there will be some allusions back to them.
> 
> That was actually the original story I wanted to write, with a hurt Loki needing to have Thor there with him when he's with Tony for the first time, and it built up to this fic that took a year to write. These two chapters were even meant to be one small chapter but this chapter took a life of its own and could even have been spread out for atleast another one so that's why the latter part feels very reined in and short in comparison ot how it starts. Funny how things happen.
> 
> As always, comments is the air I breathe. If you liked the story, please leave a comment for me to squee over instead of only pressing the kudos button, thank you!! :) ♥


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